worship and sacrifice - best mates

And Abraham said to his young men, “Stay here with the donkey; the lad and I will go yonder and worship, and we will come back to you.” - Genesis 22:5 (NKJV)

We've possibly read through this passage a hundred times. This passage being the first time worship is mentioned in the bible, makes it incredibly significant that this testing is our first example of worship. I like how the NKJV entitles the passage with "Abraham's faith confirmed", whilst the NIV has the title of "Abraham tested". The way I see it, this isn't really a situation of "either or", but is truly a time of both confirmation and testing.

There are a million and one lessons to learn from this faith-filled passage. But for my life, for right now, it is this: Worship is sacrifice. Whether it is the blood of your own son, your pride or your money, worship = sacrifice.

When we come to the Lord in worship, aren't the most powerful times, the life-changing moments, those tear stained memories, founded on a sense of sacrifice in worship? Surely we (and Abraham) would have not had a taste of the Messiah to come (for us - a Messiah that has come), without the willing sacrifice in worship.

God asks us to come to the alter and make an exchange - A piece of Me for a piece of you. This trade it would seem, is completely unfair. A fractured piece of humanity for a glimpse of the Eternal God.

Abraham was asked to offer his son - all of his prayers, love, affection, pride and hope were in Isaac. Isaac was truly a part of Abraham: his own flesh and blood, his miracle. At the alter Isaac was replaced by a ram. As they came down from the mountain, they descended into life with an insurmountable, unsurpassed and eternal blessing, the likes of which no man could comprehend.

It is therefore the willingness to come to worship intentionally with a sacrifice ready to be burnt that draws us closer to God and further from ourselves.

my hope is You

Of what value is this leper
What use is such failing
My worth is in You
My worth is in You

What else is there to do
Where else can I turn
My hope is in You
My hope is in You


Though I am weak
Mercy surrounds 
Though I stumble
Love overwhelms

My hope is in You
My hope is in You
My hope is You

 
Forgetting all the riches
Forsaking my crowns
You are my portion
You are my portion

Forever you are greater
Forever you are stronger
You are my God
You are my God


When I am weak
Mercy surrounds 
When I stumble
Love overwhelms
 
My hope is in You
My hope is in You
My hope is You

He isn't crazy in love like beyonce,
He is crazy love.

the accuser.

So I haven't posted in a while. Honestly, praise God for people like my cousin who can keep me accountable. It keeps you sane and faithful to what we've been called to be.

I was woken up at 2:40am this morning by my squigy (eczema). I got up put on my ointment and lay there. As I lay all I heard were these whispers in my ears, "you'll always be the same - you're a stuff up - how many times are you going to fail - again? seriously. - pathetic - loser - you'll never make it, heck, this won't even last..." Over and over this voice pestered me. It wasn't physically audible, but it sure felt like someone speaking to me. I got up, thinking this was just in my head and decided to go toilet and wash my face.

Truth be told, this hasn't been one of my best weeks. I haven't exactly been a faithful son this week to say the least. At this point in time I feel more like a prodigal son than anything.

Went to the toilet, washed my face and walked back to my room. Something was following me around the house. I knew it. It was familiar to me. This was a visit from my good ol' buddy - the accuser. He never fails to turn up when I've stumbled and fallen. He's very consistent, more so than I am in faith.

Usually when I sense a spirit coming to pester me a simple firm instruction to leave me in the name of Jesus does the trick and I'm back to sleep in a minute. But he was persistent this morning and I finally snapped.

Upset and annoyed I sat up in my bed and declared:

"Leave me in the name of Jesus. You have no right here. Leave."
"Right? What right do you have?"
"I'm covered by His blood. I'm covered by grace. Leave me, you have no right to be here"
"You don't even believe that. How can you even believe that crap."

At this point I was caught off guard. I didn't really feel as though I was in a place of grace. But I spoke what I knew to be true - even though I didn't fully believe it. But beauty is however, that at this moment, praying in the Spirit, I was reminded of scripture upon scripture and grace became my reality once again. Pretty aggravated and annoyed I gave the most non-Biblical command to this spirit:

"Piss off in Jesus' name."

I'm not sure if that's how the disciples in the early church would've done it haha but it worked and I went back to bed.

Praise God that in my weakness He is still strong. Strong enough that grace covers me even in my dirtiest moments and most shameful of days. He's good and always will be.

really quite silly

Just sharing my morning's devotion passage: Mark 8:13-21

Quick context:
- Jesus feeds the four thousand by breaking bread and fish. Jesus and the team gets on a boat to go to the 'other side'
- Pharisees test Jesus' divinity and demand a miracle. Jesus refuses and hops back on the boat and goes back
- On the boat, the disciples realise there is only one loaf of bread for the 13 of them to share. Stressed that Jesus might tell them off they talk amongst themselves.
- Jesus rebukes them.

If Jesus used only seven loaves to feed 4000, there shouldn't be any issue feeding the disciples plus Jesus on that small boat. Right?

I'm just reminded of how forgetful we can be. We can come from a miraculous encounter then almost immediately slip back into our disbelief. I sat here thinking to myself, "If I were there, I would never forget seeing thousands fed from 7 loaves." For goodness sake, the disciples were handing out the miracle! It was happening in their hands as they distributed the food. They were right there and still managed to slip back into doubt. Realistically, I'd probably do the same.

I find comfort in looking into the rest of their lives and ultimately, how they all ended (minus Judas lol). Without an ounce of doubt, the majority of them died for the Jesus they lived for. It speaks to me that faith, really powerful and world changing faith, is not on or off, there or not. But rather it is nurtured, practiced, exercised and grows with time.

run and tell that, homeboy

So last night I had one of the craziest dreams since, ever. It pretty much involved me standing in the middle of a gigantic room, surrounded by every thing, person and situation I hate and me cursing at that person/thing. It felt like hours and when I woken up by my alarm, I was pissed off and smashed my phone to stop the alarm. A sore and dry throat lead me to believe that I was swearing aloud in my sleep. So I rolled out of bed, kneeled on the floor and said my morning prayer. With anger.

It feels as though I'm going through a bit of a tough season. Everything seems like a struggle, frustrating me to the point that it manifests in my dreams. Sadly my dreams have become about saying what I want to say to everything I despise.

Amidst this morning of negativity I felt this thought take hold of my mind - "I'm sick of believing, I just want to see". Over and over I went through my frustrations in my mind; my relationship, the struggles in ministry, irritating coworkers and frustrations at home. Usually I find positivity in at least one of these areas of life but lately it's been harder than usual. Everybody around me can clearly tell. It takes its toll and when I would usually bite my tongue or smile and nod, I find myself doing the opposite.

"Trust me" - is all I hear when I pray. Over and over. My reply usually is - "Okay, now what."

Seeing my obvious frustration, Dad spoke to me briefly before I headed out. I didn't really listen to be honest, preoccupied with my thoughts. Later I realised - since when has anyone God is, has or wants to use, ever had it easy. Our trust and hope is not in our own strength or faith. Ultimately, there isn't much for me to believe in. Unless God has some kind of hand in this, I'd probably end up leaving my gorgeous girlfriend, the youth group will die under my watch, I'll quit my job bitterly and I'll become disconnected and disinterested by my own family. But His grace is enough that none of these will happen. I believe that I will see it.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." - James 1:17