the accuser.

So I haven't posted in a while. Honestly, praise God for people like my cousin who can keep me accountable. It keeps you sane and faithful to what we've been called to be.

I was woken up at 2:40am this morning by my squigy (eczema). I got up put on my ointment and lay there. As I lay all I heard were these whispers in my ears, "you'll always be the same - you're a stuff up - how many times are you going to fail - again? seriously. - pathetic - loser - you'll never make it, heck, this won't even last..." Over and over this voice pestered me. It wasn't physically audible, but it sure felt like someone speaking to me. I got up, thinking this was just in my head and decided to go toilet and wash my face.

Truth be told, this hasn't been one of my best weeks. I haven't exactly been a faithful son this week to say the least. At this point in time I feel more like a prodigal son than anything.

Went to the toilet, washed my face and walked back to my room. Something was following me around the house. I knew it. It was familiar to me. This was a visit from my good ol' buddy - the accuser. He never fails to turn up when I've stumbled and fallen. He's very consistent, more so than I am in faith.

Usually when I sense a spirit coming to pester me a simple firm instruction to leave me in the name of Jesus does the trick and I'm back to sleep in a minute. But he was persistent this morning and I finally snapped.

Upset and annoyed I sat up in my bed and declared:

"Leave me in the name of Jesus. You have no right here. Leave."
"Right? What right do you have?"
"I'm covered by His blood. I'm covered by grace. Leave me, you have no right to be here"
"You don't even believe that. How can you even believe that crap."

At this point I was caught off guard. I didn't really feel as though I was in a place of grace. But I spoke what I knew to be true - even though I didn't fully believe it. But beauty is however, that at this moment, praying in the Spirit, I was reminded of scripture upon scripture and grace became my reality once again. Pretty aggravated and annoyed I gave the most non-Biblical command to this spirit:

"Piss off in Jesus' name."

I'm not sure if that's how the disciples in the early church would've done it haha but it worked and I went back to bed.

Praise God that in my weakness He is still strong. Strong enough that grace covers me even in my dirtiest moments and most shameful of days. He's good and always will be.